


Scientific Planning

by Lacertae



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dave sleeps like a log, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, HSO Round 1, Homestuck Shipping Olympics, Karkat isn't happy, M/M, dave never remembers to pay the bills, domestic slice of life, mentions of John/Vriska, post office, same thing, slot machines, you could see it as pale or as flushed, you gotta pay the bills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-20
Updated: 2012-07-20
Packaged: 2017-11-10 09:25:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/464733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lacertae/pseuds/Lacertae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who does build a mini-casino next to a post office anyway?</p><p>---</p><p>Written for Round 1 of HSO for the Davekat redrom team</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scientific Planning

**Author's Note:**

> My entry wasn't picked as our team's main entry (probably for the best, because I missed the point entirely, haha) but that's good, I really loved our entry :D besides, I had to heavily edit this to fit the 3k words limit, and now I can just post it fully without the edits. ^^ I hope you enjoy!

The shrill noise of the alarm, loud and annoying, managed to rouse Karkat in the middle of a particularly pleasant dream.

The troll waved his arm around, scowling, and the clock fell on the floor with a satisfying sound of broken plastic. Silence returned.

Victorious and vindicated, Karkat shuffled and turned around, seconds ticking by as he tried to return to his dream. No such luck.

With a soft, defeated groan, Karkat buried his face in the pillow, knowing that now that he was awake there was absolutely no way in hell he would be able to go back to sleep.

The room was stuffy and dark, and he shifted a bit, lethargic and tired, grunting when the figure nested against him didn’t even move one inch.

As expected, the blasted alarm hadn’t managed to wake him up.

Dave could sleep through a war if he didn’t detect danger towards his life, and obviously a stupid alarm clock was nowhere close to being a threat to him.

Karkat, on the other hand, still had problems with sleeping longer than five hours in a row, and every sound was enough to rouse him into a conscious state; he couldn’t even blame the Game for that, as he had been unable to sleep even before playing fucking Sgrub.

Muttering curses under his breath, most of them in a mix of Alternian and American, Karkat rolled over and sat up on the edge of the bed, tapping around the cold floor in search of his slippers, which were nowhere to be found.

He let out a soft grunt, cursing them to a short life of living hell, then stood up.

Manoeuvring around the piles of discarded clothes –reminder of what had taken place the previous night after a long, passionate debate on what movie sucked the most, Troll Troy or Human Twilight– Karkat managed to get to the door without tripping.

Karkat 1, stupid trap-triggering room 0.

The light coming from outside blinded him for a second. He stood still, half in the bedroom, half in the corridor, blinking owlishly as he tried to adjust, eyes watering a bit; he heard Dave shift in his sleep, curling away from the light coming from the door, and turned around to stare at him.

The human was sprawled on his side of the bed, the curve of his back disappearing behind the sheets, and as Karkat’s eyes adjusted to the light, he was able to see the marks that covered his body.

Licking his lips in satisfaction, Karkat turned around and finally left the bedroom, squinting as he made his way through the apartment and into the kitchen.

It wasn’t that big, but as neither of them did much cooking in the first place, so it was good enough.

Karkat glanced around, and after a cursory check in the fridge and in the cupboards, only to see they were out of milk _and_ coffee, he decided to make do with the pancake mix and try his hand at something less shitty.

They’d have to go out for the coffee though –neither could really do without it, especially not in the morning.

He moved through the kitchen with practiced ease, grabbing a pan and a plate, then put himself to work, absently scratching his nose as he sloppily prepared the mix and started cooking some half-assed breakfast.

It was relaxing, it was quiet, and fuck if he didn’t like taking it easy for once, no morning classes, no need to hurry the fuck up.

Karkat was feeling rather content.

As he waited for the first batch, humming a song that got stuck in his brain since the previous night, Karkat’s eyes fell on a small magnetic chalkboard on the other end of the room. It was covered with rude SBaHJ sketches and a lot of human penises entangled with vines Karkat assumed were Dave’s attempt at drawing his bulge; on the edge there was a note to call Terezi and Sollux asap, and right under that Karkat had scribbled a reminder to go pay the apartment bills and the deadline.

He looked at the date, then at the calendar right at the chalkboard’s left.

The third of June was marked in red, signalling a day free of courses for both of them. It was also Friday, which implied they’d have the whole weekend to lounge and do absolutely nothing.

Merciful miracles.

The deadline for the bills was also for the third of June, Friday.

Karkat’s brain slowly whirred, doing the math.

Then it suddenly clicked.

“Oh, _fuck_ –”

He stormed back into the bedroom, not caring if he made enough noise even the neighbours could hear; Dave was still sleeping, but the sight, instead of filling Karkat with all those warm, fuzzy stupid shitty redrom feelings, only irked him more.

With a hiss, he lifted one foot, carefully aimed, then kicked Dave right in the ribs.

Dave gasped out in shock, abruptly and quite literally kicked straight into wake, and scrambled to sit up on the mattress, eyes wide and hair sticking out everywhere –quite different from his usual cool attitude.

Karkat allowed himself to revel in the distressed, disgruntled face as his lover turned to stare at him. His panic quickly morphed into a displeased frown, and Karkat idly noted he looked like a ruffled bird.

“What the f…” Dave rasped and cleared his throat. “Karkat, what the fuck”.

“Get your skinny, lazy ass out of bed, get dressed quickly, or I swear on everything I hold dear, I will shove my foot so far up your waste chute it will never ever see light again,” Karkat growled in reply, eyes filled with righteous fury.

“Hey, I usually appreciate your ass jokes, but Karkat, it’s…” Dave paused for a split second, his fuzzy brain tuning in with his inner sense of time. “Nine thirty in the fucking morning. Ain’t no time to play”.

“You were supposed to pay the bills this time,” the troll raged, hands on his hips and eyes narrowed.

Dave blinked, not quite awake yet, eyes focused more on Karkat’s posture rather than on his words.

“You look like Kanaya when she is ready to throw a motherly fit,” he muttered, yawning. Then, before Karkat could start another rant, he shifted and stretched. “What’s the fuss about?”

“You. Were. Supposed. To pay the bills this month, but no, your thinkpan is too small to remember the actual important shit, like I don’t know –bills and exam dates, while you have no problem coming up with shitty rhymes for your ridiculous rap-offs”.

Finally, the meaning of Karkat’s words managed to penetrate the fog of sleepiness, and Dave straightened his back, cursing loudly.

“Oh, fuck, I forgot,” he stood up, stretching his back and offering Karkat an alluring sight he was not in the mood to appreciate.

Fuck Dave’s innate sexiness, he was _angry_.

“Get your ass in a pair of pants this instant. You’re coming with me to the post office,” with that ultimatum, Karkat stormed back out.

Dave groaned.

***

“I said I was sorry already, shit, stop being such a tight ass Vantas,” Dave grunted, trying to follow Karkat’s fast pace as they walked down the street.

Since they were on a tight schedule, and the post office was usually packed full, the two hadn’t even been able to stop by their usual café for a coffee; if they didn’t get to pay the bill before the office closed for the day, they’d be charged a fee, and they were scraping enough as it was, no need to make it any harder.

Karkat glared at him, barely turning his head around, and Dave sighed, shrugging. No point in pressing the matter when Karkat just wanted to make it into a bigger fuss.

Besides, his fingers still smelled like burnt pancakes, and that was definitely uncool.

“If we don’t manage to get there in time, I swear to God, Strider, I’ll–”

“I know, I know, no need to get your pants in a twist,” rolling his eyes was lost on the troll due to the shades, but Dave did it anyway. “I am sure we’ll get there in time,” he tried to be reassuring, but failed as Karkat refused to dignify him with an answer.

The post office was still open, as Dave had predicted –Strider 1, Vantas 0– but Karkat was horrified to see a small crowd waiting outside, most of them looking disgruntled and annoyed.

Karkat pushed his way in, ignoring the glares he received by a taller troll he’d shoved to the side.

Dave waited outside, glancing at a nearby old lady and peering above her shoulder to check on her number.

His fears were confirmed when Karkat stormed out again, waving his ticket with such a furious expression Dave couldn’t restrain a smirk.

“How bad?” he asked.

Karkat’s glare focused on him, and a second later the troll was inches away, poking into his ribs with a finger, right on a bruise. Dave considered himself too cool to flinch, so he didn’t.

“We are going to fucking die here,” he growled. His inflection carried out a soft clicking noise, and Dave shivered slightly. “We are going to grow old and decadent, our bodies rotting and bones turning into thin sticks unable to hold up a teaspoon, beards as fucking long as a hermit’s, covered with shitty, disgusting cobwebs as we wait for our turn Dave, that’s how fucked we are!”

He pushed the ticket right under Dave’s nose, and he caught the number printed on it –140.

A quick glance at the electronic display told Dave all he wanted to know –the counter was at 60.

“Want to hit the café?” he tried his luck. He was in dire need of some caffeine, and he knew Karkat could only function for so long without it.

 “Well, let me think,” Karkat paused for a split second, still glaring at Dave. “What about a fucking giant no? I’m not going to move from here until my number gets called, you big twat. It’s bad enough I’ll have to waste all my fucking morning here just because my matesprit decided to fuck it all up and forget to pay the bills!”

“I already said I was sorry, babe,” Dave tried to placate the troll, but his words only made Karkat angrier. Before the troll could start another rant, Dave spoke up again. “Besides, I’m not going to wait here until it’s our turn. Not gonna happen, let’s get the fuck out of here”.

Not mellowed, but also not willing to waste time growing roots in front of the post office, Karkat grudgingly allowed Dave to grab his hand and pull him away.

“We could have avoided this fucked up shit if you’d remembered to come here earlier,” he grunted, fingers twitching in Dave’s grasp.

“Yes, yes, I know…” Dave turned around the corner, trying to spot a café, then stopped when his eyes fell on something else. “I take my coffee offer back. Let’s go there instead,” he pointed his thumb forwards, and Karkat looked up.

His expression darkened considerably as he zoomed in on what Dave was pointing at.

“No way in hell, Strider,” he grunted, shaking his head and tugging Dave back. “We’re not going to a fucking stupid gambling corner”.

“Why not?” Dave nudged Karkat on the side. “I’m the gambling master, it’s me, catching all the boondollars, cashing them one by one,” he smirked when Karkat let out a soft groan.

“Please, shut the fuck up. It’s not stupid game-cash we’re talking about. We’re tight on money already, I have no fucking intention to let you go and waste whatever amount we own just because you feel extremely masochistic today”.

“Yes, but that would be a nice way to make some extra cash,” Dave reasoned, nodding to himself. “It’s not luck, it’s _scientific planning_ ”.

“Do you even listen to yourself when you open your faucet and idiocy pours out?” Karkat performed a perfect one–handed facepalm and tried to tug Dave away. The human didn’t bulge. “Oh, no, no way I’m letting you go there, Strider–”

Dave started dragging Karkat along, not even looking back, and Karkat desperately tried to stop him. No such luck.

The betting room was mostly empty at that time of the day, and Karkat hid his face behind his sleeve; it wasn’t as bad as getting into a sexy shop at seven sharp because Dave had suddenly decided they needed more toys, but it was humiliating enough.

Besides, who builds a mini-casino right next to a post office?

“I’d say let’s try the slots,” Dave commented, business-like and looking perfectly at ease where he was.

Karkat groaned again. “I’d say let’s get the fuck out of here before I make you regret it,” he rebutted.

Dave ignored him.

“No, seriously, **_I_** have the money, and I’m not going to–” Karkat patted his pocket, horrified when his hand found absolutely nothing in there. He looked up in a flash, and caught Dave handing a wad of crumpled cash over to a woman at the front desk. “When did you–”

“Oh, come on Kar, liven up,” Dave shrugged, grabbing the shiny, metallic coins the woman handed him back and dragging Karkat down a barely lit corridor.

“No, no, fuck you no, Dave, you did not just swap our hard earned money for a handful of fucking stupid casino coins! What the–”

Dave turned around, stopping Karkat in mid-rant with a small peck on his lips.

Karkat deflated, taken aback by the public action, and Dave strutted towards the closest line of slot machines like he owned the place.

The actual betting corner wasn’t that big –there were only two rows of slots, plus a roulette in the corner and a blackjack–slash–poker table with no one tending to it; it looked small and constricting. Karkat grunted and shifted, feeling eyes on him even though there were only two other clients in there, both human.

When Karkat finally shook himself and went to stop Dave before he did something horribly wrong, the other knight had already inserted the first coin into one of the slot machines, pushing the lever down.

The troll watched as the pictures on the screen rolled and blended together, bloodpusher racing faster against his better judgement.

There _was_ some sort of allure in gambling, he had to admit, but he still didn’t want to lose money, and fuck neither of them was really lucky. That was more Vriska’s department.

With a bleep, a few coins fell onto the metallic plate of the slot machine, and Dave scooped them up, looking at Karkat. Even if his shades covered his eyes, the troll knew he was staring at him with an expectant look.

“Hmm?”

Karkat grunted. “This proves nothing, you idiot. You just got lucky this once. Let’s step away from this place and go get a coffee, at least you won’t waste all our savings on that!”

Instead of accepting that Karkat was right, bowing to his logic like he should have, Dave shrugged, turned his attention to another slot machine, and moved to it.

Karkat watched him in horror as Dave inserted an even bigger amount of their hard earned cash into it.

“No, stop! Fuck you, Dave, I swear, if you end up wasting all our money here I’m going to–”

The three icons stopped, but no winnings were made. Karkat’s vascular pumps clenched in anger. “See? Come on, damn it…”

Dave, clearly not appalled at having just lost a good amount of their money, shrugged and flipped a metallic, red coin at Karkat, who caught it with one hand and stared at it.

“Here, have some fun,” Dave stated.

Then, he returned his attention to the slot machines, leaving Karkat standing there gaping like a fish.

***

“It’s all your _fault_ ”.

Dave sighed but did not comment, feeling like he deserved the troll’s rant just this once.

“It’s all your damn fault, because you just don’t listen, and I just move my mouthflaps and spout nonsense, because when I want to save our earnings for something worth it, you assume I’m just being a huge party pooper. If you had burned the money it would have been less of a waste than losing it on those stupid games! Now what, oh mighty knight?”

Dave sighed, scratching his head with one hand. “Things happen,” he replied, wincing when Karkat’s head snapped towards him, his glare enough to make him shut up.

“Oh, yes, sure. How absurdly stupid of me not to take into consideration the ways life can come and kick me in the ass when I try so hard to make things work,” Karkat sneered, waving his arms around. “How do you intend to solve shit for us then, Strider? When you can’t go back in time anymore to help the idiot that was Past Me strangle you before entering in that blasted place?”

“I…” Dave cringed.

All the options he had were quite limited –in that, he didn’t want to choose any of them for obvious reasons.

“–because I simply can’t have some respite, a day off to relax and take a rest from all the ways life wants me done with, relaxing with my fucking matesprit who just happens to be the worst human being ever–”

But unfortunately for him, he had to do something, even if it meant doing certain things he would never, ever do in normal situations.

Besides, he had to admit he felt _kind_ of guilty.

As his boyfriend-slash-matesprit continued his loud, irritated rant, Dave whipped out the phone and weighted the only two options he had left.

Then dialled John’s number.

“Dave?” as usual, John picked up at the third ring, and Dave took a deep breath bracing himself.

“Sup?” he replied, trying to keep his cool. “You doing anything spectacular and geeky today?”

John snorted into the phone, and Dave could picture him shaking his head. “Oh, shut up, not like you do anything really cool ever”.

“Ouch, that hurts, John,” Dave’s lips twitched upwards slightly. “And how goes your married life?”

“Dave, I’m _not_ married,” he could picture the other teen rolling his eyes, and this time he did smirk. “What did you do,” John’s voice was even, but laced with amusement.

“Why, are you implying I would only call you because I did something?”

“You don’t usually waste money to call me when you can simply pester me, which means you’re in a hurry and need something,” John replied cheerfully. “So cut the chase, what’s got the resident cool knight to actually call for help?”

Dave groaned, then stared at Karkat, who was looking at him, suspicious and angry, and steeled his resolve.

“Hand the phone to Vriska,” he finally muttered. “I have a proposal for her”.

On the other end there was a long moment of silence, then “ok, now I know it’s really serious,” and after a shuffling sound, someone else picked the phone up.

“Soooooooo,” Dave felt annoyance raise its ugly head, but stomped on the feeling as Vriska’s irritating voice filled his ear. He needed to keep it clean or she would never help out. “What do you need me for?”

He could almost see her usual quirky emoticon following her words, and cringed.

“I need some help,” he finally spit out.

“Weeeeeeeell,” Vriska’s tone was more than just amused –it was downright predatory. “I am a nice troll, I could be able to help you, of course, but–”

“You want something back, I know,” Dave gritted his teeth. “What do you want?”

“Depends on what is it you need,” Vriska replied, chuckling. There was a small scuffle, then a muffled shoosh at John, who was still listening.

“I just… might have made a few bad investments, and we find ourselves in need of money to pay our bills,” Dave grunted, feeling severely humiliated.

“Oh, so you need luck from the resident queen of Luck, I seeeeeeee,” Vriska chuckled. “That will cost you all the treasures you gained while Flarping last week with Terezi, all of them”.

“What? Do you know how many orcs and fucking flying mutant creatures I had to off to get them?”

“If being homeless doesn’t bother you, then ok, I guess you don’t really need me,” Vriska stated dismissively. “John, here, take your phone back–”

“No, ok. Ok. It’s a deal. I’ll give you all the fucking treasures ok? But do it”.

Vriska cackled happily on the other end, and there was a sound of stones clicking together. “If you’re sure about betting on me, ok! You can just hope the result will be in your favour,” the troll chuckled again, rolling the eight dice in her hand. “And even if luck is not on your side, you still have to give me your FLARP treasures!” he could almost hear the eight exclamation points in that sentence.

Dave bit on his lower lip and nodded, shoulders slumping in defeat. “It’s fine, just do it”.

He held his hand out, and Karkat, although quite suspicious, handed him the last chip, since Karkat had refused to use it.

Walking towards the slot machine, phone pressed against his ear, Dave licked his lips and waited.

Vriska’s raspy laughter filled his ears. “Have at it, loser!”

He inserted the coin and pulled the lever, aware that Karkat’s claws were digging into his shoulder, and closed his eyes.

Seconds later, he heard the gratifying sound of a siren coming from the slot machine, followed by a lot of coins hitting the metal plate. The claws retreated and Karkat started counting the cash.

“Thanks,” he breathed into the phone.

“You’re welcome, hehehehehehehehe, please come by John’s house any time with your treasures! Oh, I mean – _my_ treasures”.

With a growl, Dave flicked his phone off.

***

“You’re still sleeping on the sofa tonight,” Karkat told him as they were walking back home, bills finally paid.

“What?” Dave turned to stare at him, completely taken aback. “But I managed to solve the situation, man, no blood was spilled”.

“You still wasted all our money in that place,” Karkat replied, sneering in satisfaction. “I guess it could have been worse –you could have called your human Lusus instead”.

Dave shivered. Better not to think about that. A few treasures were suddenly sounding like nothing much, compared to whatever Bro might have asked him.

“Yeah, ok,” he murmured, shoulders sagging in defeat. “Let’s just go back home”.


End file.
